Understanding Codependence: A Deeper Look at Addiction to Others
This morning, I had a conversation with a professor from the University of Oregon about codependence. While I initially perceived the topic as complex, he simplified it as “dependency on another,” particularly within relationships.
However, codependence itself can be viewed as a form of addiction—an individual seeking refuge in or attempting to help others, often without realizing that this addiction to people creates a vicious cycle. Unless this dependency is addressed, it becomes nearly impossible to develop a personal strategy for breaking free from the pattern.
Codependence and Its Connection to Other Addictions
Back in 1996, I worked as the head of a press office for an addiction clinic on the island of Palma de Mallorca. While performing my duties, I produced several small documentaries covering different types of addictions, including alcohol, drugs, and sex. Among these, one of the lesser-known but equally significant forms was codependence—or addiction to people.
Though commonly associated with relationships, I soon realized that codependence extended to many other aspects of life.
In one documentary, I interviewed a nurse who had experienced various types of toxic attachments. From having an abusive father in childhood, he later found himself in a series of abusive relationships as an adult. Not only had he maintained these harmful dynamics, but he actually needed them. He even adopted the addictions of his partners—if they smoked, he smoked; if they drank, he drank; if they abused substances, he followed suit.
This pattern isn’t uncommon. For instance, in some cases, one partner in a relationship may have been thin before entering the relationship, only to gain weight due to shared habits. This highlights a deeper psychological connection between codependence and adopting another person’s behaviors and struggles.
Beyond Relationships: Codependence in Broader Contexts
Rather than delving into psychological theories about self-identity and parental relationships—areas beyond my expertise—I began to see how codependence applied to other domains, particularly within groups once referred to as destructive sects.
Exploring the world of codependence reveals the deep loneliness experienced by those who suffer from it. This inner void often leads individuals to seek meaning through external sources, whether religious, political, or ideological. In the 1990s, before the rise of social media and the ease of accessing information, people embraced various belief systems—sometimes consciously, but other times simply out of a need to give or receive affection.
Codependents often join or leave groups and organizations based on a desire to help or be helped, continuously abandoning their true selves. This cycle leads to ongoing struggles—not for self-discovery or growth, but merely for survival.
Over time, I observed that codependence can manifest in ways beyond personal relationships. In some cases, what appears to be a desire to help others may actually disguise an obsession with control rather than genuine altruism.
Codependence in Politics and Power
Can codependence extend to societal structures, such as power dynamics? The compulsive urge to help others can sometimes cause politicians to lose sight of the actual needs of their people, leading to actions that may unintentionally cause harm under the guise of good intentions.
This brings to mind the ongoing war in Ukraine and its key players. While the conflict requires a thorough analysis, it is interesting to consider whether both Volodymyr Zelenskyy and Vladimir Putin are caught in a form of codependence—feeding off each other to sustain their respective war strategies. With approximately 80,000 Ukrainian casualties and more than 200,000 Russian deaths, external mediation is more necessary than ever to break this destructive cycle.
As French President Emmanuel Macron has pointed out, Russia has previously violated peace agreements due to its own dependency on power and control. This reinforces the idea that external intervention—particularly from parties not directly involved in the conflict—may be crucial in breaking the pattern. In this regard, the potential involvement of figures like Donald Trump could be worth considering.
Codependence as a Psychological Struggle
Today, codependence is also studied as a character flaw that influences specific behaviors. This perspective is particularly valuable, as it shifts the focus inward—toward our own needs, desires, strengths, weaknesses, fears, and the ongoing effort to navigate our personal narratives.
Ultimately, our experiences and expressions often stem from an internal battle between our past and present. In many ways, we are defined not just by what we physically consume, but also by what we absorb emotionally and intellectually.
Breaking free from codependence requires self-awareness and the courage to cultivate
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